Teel poodi , trepist alla
peksis allpool liblikas ennast vastu akent.
Ma vaatasin teda, hakkasin trepist
edasi laskuma , kaks astet, ots ringi
läksin tagasi. Vaatasin liblikat, võtsin oma musta rahakoti.
"Tule, ma viin su õue. Ma ei tee sulle haiget.": ütlesin liblikale.
Peale 5 minutilist tagaajamist laskus liblikas mu rahakotile,
ning püsis seal kuni olin juba peaagu välisukse juures.
Tõusis korra lendu ja kui ma ukse avasin, ja ootasin ,
et ta koridorist õue lendaks valis ta vabaduse asemel
uuesti mu rahakoti nurga, lihtsalt tiivad laiali seisis ta seal,
vahtides mulle näkku. Poeni, üle tee, rohelisuse poole.
Ta ei lahkunud.
Kuni ma teda korraks lillega müksasin.
Ta kadus.
See liblikas meenutas mulle mind,
kes ma ennast vastu läbipaistvat klaasi peksan,
pürgides selle suunas mis ei ole käega katsutav,
kuna on teiselpool seda,
siin pool klaasi on hall korridor.
trepid,
kõik.
Kui sina oleks jooksnud mööda seda korridori,
kas sa oleks selle liblika päästnud?
Ma tahaks loota , aga ma tean , et sa ei oleks.
Kunagi , Kunagi. Saan mina ka õnnelikuks.


Nothing almost about that my love.

If i could I would cry,
but i cant anymore.
If i cried, I wouldnt forgive myself.

If love didnt exist, maybe
just maybe, I would be able to smile
Smile like i ment it.
But you prolly Have no idea.
About this sadness that i never say a word about.
Sometimes , I find it hard to beleve that you love me.
I just cant feel it. Just cant.
And Im sad, Just so fucking sad.
but its fine, Cause I love the way you smile.
You will never know.No matter how it hurts me.
Cause you know.
I cant afford to lose even just a glimpse of that
most precious smile of yours.
Cause i fucking cant help loving you.

I want to delete this, but i never will.
Because There is a tiny bit of me that hopes,
you will be sniffin around my stuff, find it
and read it.

Because even if you asked ,
I dont think i will ever be able to
respond with my own emotions.

There are only two things in the world i know.
People always hurt me and they always reject me.
Noone ever understands my feelings.
Noone ever even trys to.
It sucks.
I hate it.


Even so , Id like to beleve nothing,
can stand in our loves way.
I just need to find courage.
I just need to rediscover happiness.

Im just so scared,
Soo fucking scared,
Of what you ask?
I dont know.
Ending up alone?
Someday.
Giving up?
Cause I just dont know how to
react to my own stupidity,

Spending years,
Repeating to myself that i shall never fall in love.
That it doesnt excist.
Why am I sitting here writing this?
Why do I miss you?
It hurts.
IT hurts.
Every day.
Hurts.
But you know.
Even if it killed me.
I dont ever want to leave your side.
Even if someday ,
you nolonger love me.
I wish i could keep you all to myself.
Today, And all the days that are still to come.

Insecurity, Impatience.
I hate myself.
Not always,
But , I think i should
I could change,
Im just ,
Bitter.

Нравится 26